i wish i could tell you this

i miss you. a lot. like, if i could hug you, i would. there's not a day that goes by that i don't think of you. you're always in my mind. i know things between us seems like can't be fixed anymore. like there's no solution at all. i do wish that we start again. have a new beginning, like, begin again.

i miss that guy who calls me and say the most random thing. i miss that guy who always sent me funny pictures on whatsapp. i miss that guy who wishes me good morning and good night. i miss that guy who crack the weirdest joke ever. i miss that guy who calls me cute names, who console me whenever i sulk, who wakes me up for subuh sometimes, who texts me like almost all the time, especially when we're both free. who drove 165km/h just to call me to make sure that i'm okay, who texts me saying "i miss you" in many cute ways, who always talks to me on the phone before i go to sleep. who told me that he loves me so much, who always know how to make me smile, who loves to tease me, make fun of me, who Skype with me and we talk about random things, who's willing to go late to collage just to meet me for a while, and most of all, i miss everything about you A.H. 

i know we were best friends. i love you as my best friend, and i know you love me as a best friend too. but i don't understand. why won't you admit that you have a girlfriend? why did you always avoid that question when i ask you that? why did you told me that you and her are nothing, just friends? you said you didn't treat other girls the way you treat me. you said that i'm the only person you contacted everyday. you said that you treat that girl different from the way you treat me, you treat her just "biasa-biasa je". i won't be this mad if you told me from the beginning that you have a relationship with her. i will, with all grace and manners i have, respect your relationship with that girl. but you NEVER admit, which is what i DON'T understand most. even though i told you "i hate you", please know that i wrote that text out of anger. i DON'T mean it. and for whatever reason behind all of this, i can finally accept it sincerely. if you do in a relationship with her, congratulations then :) i forgive you, A, for everything.